Do not go gently into the night...

The visions are coming fast and furious now...Unwanted elements from the past and the present, being gracious enough to die right before my very heart. Nearly free, awaiting...awaiting things and experiences that resonate strongly with me and that are determined to bring me joy and pleasure. Making room for a most welcome guest in the house that is MY LIFE..

There is a woman from my past that now freely roams the dreamtime. Don't know what it means if anything-the purpose of our relationship- to save one another's life, was achieved and we now live completely different lives. I must admit, I have near burning curiosity as to how she is what she is doing and there is fear that I'll discover her life has been difficult. That would break my heart to know this. For me, it is a Pandora's box; there are things in this world best left unexplored, left alone. Ever fiber in my being tells me this qualifies.

I am that man, standing on the platform awaiting destiny's train, having finally gotten my "ticket" to board, paying the price of release and surrender...Yet there is one thing from the past I want to go back for, and to do so, means to lose my seat. Ludicrous. Unnerving. Sad...

Sad, because the person I knew and the person I was are dead; only the memories remain...And this is the hardest thing to cope with: to know that as people grow, some things remain and most things die. It is so odd...

Recently, my Mother spent 3 months in the hospital, having literally starved and drank herself to death. It was a gradual thing, and since her retirement earlier this year, no family member was privy to this. Being 62 and near death, it is a medical miracle she survived.

I remember in the early days of her hospital stay, looking at her and thinking "Who is this person? Where did the woman I knew as my Mother go?" And then I realized that the woman I knew as Mom left this world years ago and that what laid before me now was that 19-year old teenaged girl who recently lost the most important person on earth to her-her mother, and I could see the small part in her, struggling trying to decide if she wanted to leave and be with her mother or stay in this world a little longer. And I asked her: "Do you want to stay here? To continue living?" and her eyes locked onto mine, and for a brief moment I saw Her, and she gave it some thought, then replied: "Yes....yes...I...I think so...Maybe...maybe for a little while longer..." and I then pledged to her that we would do everything within our power to give her that chance. And that was when I knew, yesterday is forever gone and all of us only have right now and if we are especially blessed, the promise of a tomorrow or two...

My mother, the woman I knew, who knew me as only a parent raising a child could now, no longer travels the Earth. Einstein, Galileo and others they all missed it. We already time travel, and have been doing this for as long as man has experienced dreaming. My mother is living proof, having taken a trip all the way back to her years as a young woman...

Get on the train, chest up, shoulders square, eyes forward, embrace today. Tomorrow isn't here yet and yesterday was a lifetime ago...

"Our deepest fears is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking,
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were all meant to shine as children do.
It's not just in some of us, it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others." -Mary Ann Williamson